NOTE: Much like the recent motion picture with a similar name, this game is satirical in nature and by no means encourages anyone to ingest any illegal or unhealthy substances.
COCAINE OWLBEAR CHRISTMAS
A Holiday Heist RPG for Terrible Woodland Creatures on Magical Cocaine From Fainting Goat Games — creators of Cocaine Owlbear and Pew Pew!
The Pitch
You were just a regular woodland critter… until you mauled a courier carrying enchanted magical cocaine.
Now you’re self-aware, supercharged, and addicted.
BUT - You and your feral forest friends need one last hit of that sweet, enchanted powder to stay sentient.
In the courier's bag, you find a map to the main stash! Unfortunately, it’s being stored in the most secure compound at the North Pole.
Good news: you’ve got claws, antlers, bad ideas, and a plan that requires precise execution Bad News: You're a goddamned coked up owlbear (or woodland creature) with rage issues.
What’s Inside
A fast, hilarious Honey Heist–style one-shot RPG (just two stats: Cocaine and Woodland Creature) packed into one tight package (ie it's a short PDF. 13 pages)
Complete rules for chaotic Christmas heists
d6 tables for:
What kind of coked-out owlbear you are
What went wrong at the North Pole
Who’s taken over (Mariah Carey? Martha Stewart? A really clever raccoon?)
And where the magical cocaine stash is hidden
Optional Christmas spells (like Yippee Ki-Yay and Grandma Got Run Over)
Tons of art by Jacob Blackmon and Rick Hershey
Perfect for one-shots, holiday parties, or any night when your table needs questionable life choices
Play It Because…
You loved Honey Heist but wanted a Rated R version
You like Cocaine Owlbear but want snow, sleigh crashes, and Yuletide mayhem
You want a dumb, joyful, fast-paced RPG where everyone vibrates with bad decisions
You need a Plan B for when someone can't make D&D night
What You Get
Digital PDF (no POD version planned)
Wry chuckles while looking at your laptop during boring work meetings
Something to do with your cool cousins after Christmas Dinner
IS THIS BASED ON THAT MOVIE?
Not really. It does indeed take some inspiration from the 2023 film Cocaine Bear, which stars Ray Liotta and was directed by Elizabeth Banks, in which a bear embarks on a rampage after consuming a large amount of cocaine.
For this specific book, we are probably also taking a bit of inspiration from Red One, Bad Santa, and Violent Night.
WHY IS YOUR GOAL SO LOW?
We’re not trying to get rich off Cocaine Owlbear. It’s too pure for that. We’re like Guy Fieri on a sacred quest to deliver flavor and chaos to the masses.
WHAT ABOUT STRETCH GOALS?
We have a few that we are mulling over. If we smash the initial goal, we'll write up a poll in an update post to get some backer feedback on what goal is most appealing.
THIS IS SACRELIGIOUS! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! I mean, sure. Fair point.
GRRRR! I HATE RULES LIGHT GAMES! WHY DON'T YOU MAKE THIS FOR MY FAVORITE RPG SYSTEM?! You seem nice.
WHAT ABOUT FULLFILLMENT?
We will be fulfilling PDF via DriveThruRPG. POD Is not currently planned.
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